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==Lack of prompt ethical social response==
Pornography and other related derailed online activities were the result of "unlimited freedom," people enjoyed online. It was a social movemenent movement toward moral decay. In this case,the solution lays in the probleproblem: throught thought education and popular campaigns, people are aware of the dangers and develop an authnetic authentic ethic social response.
=PORNOGRAPHY - A FAMILY ISSUE=
The negative effects presented above are mostly present in cases, in which the pornography addiction remains a secret. If it is shared with the spouse, it creates a very high level of distress, anger, rejection and can leave deep marks in the relationship. This is a quote from a letter from Mrs. Genung to her husband, an ex-pornography addict:
:“It really flared my insecurities up. I measured myself up to other women 'in your eyes'. I was always trying to see what you'd find more attractive in others - where my flaws were. In the beginning of our marriage it was the worst. My insecurities plus your addiction equaled disaster.I watched porn movies a few times out of curiosity to see where I was lacking in bed. In a way it was self-torture. 'I wasn't good enough', 'I didn't measure up'. What was it that you were looking at or drawn to that I couldn't fill? I was constantly looking at women (probably more than you) to see if you'd notice her smaller waist, her bigger chest, her whatever… Your sex addiction ruined the little bit of self-esteem I had back then, and there wasn't much of it to begin with. It put me on guard for everything - I was afraid that if I wasn't "perfect" (whatever that is) you'd leave or stray… Today I still struggle with insecurity; I'm paranoid about any pictures that might be in something we might get in the mail, or even a magazine I might want to read. It’s not that I think you're going to go back to where you were, but that you'll see in that picture what you don't have in me.”[http://www.blazinggrace.org/healingforwives.htm]
On November 10, 2005 Jill C. [Manning] submitted a 52 page official testimony to the Family Subcommittee on the Constitution, in which he presents statistics and results of a much extended research work. The conclusions are in accordance with the example presented above. Some of the most important consequences of pornographic abuse by one of the partners include:
* '''Decreased Sexual Satisfaction''' for both partners: the addict developed a resistance to normal sexual experiences and the spouse feels objectified: “ I am no longer a sexual person, but a sexual object to him…he is just using me as a warm body ”
* '''Decreased Sexual Intimacy''' as a change in the meaning of sexual intercourse, which leads to unusual soliciting, self-centered behavior and blaming.
* '''Financial Difficulties''' caused by costly sexual practices and by decreasing job security.
* '''Decreased Self-Confidence''' of the partner and guilt of the addict
==Marital Responsability==
Pornography addiction is no longer a personal problem. Sometimes, addicts say that is nobody’s business what they do in the darkness of their rooms and therefore it does not affect anybody. It is true that anybody can tell who has an alcohol addiction or drug abuse problem, but it is more difficult to tell if someone struggles with pornography addiction. But it is as dangerous as any other:
:“It has been suggested by some of the pornography addiction hypothesis that pornography addicts should experience similar patterns of symptoms to those involved in physiological addiction to substances such as drugs or alcohol; for example, euphoria while taking the drugs, and physical and/or psychological problems when they attempt to quit, desensitization to the addictive substance, and the need to increase their dosage in order to maintain their euphoria. ” (Accessibility, Affordability and Anonymity are the three A-s which differentiates Internet pornography from other pornographic source in “Sexuality and the Internet: Surfing into the new millennium” Cyber Psychology & Behavior, 1(2) 181-187)
One of the characteristic of a marriage is the reciprocal responsibility of the partners’ physical and psychological well-being. Therefore, men and women, be watchful of this vice of your spouses as it poisons your marriage! Look out for symptoms that might point out a pornography addiction of your spouse. Do you feel that your partner is neglecting you and/or prefers the company of Internet? Has his/her world view changed in regards to interacting with or perceiving other people, especially of opposite sex? Is he/she more socially isolated and prefers to be alone? Does he/she experience loss of sexual desire or have unusual sexual demands? There are many signs for pornography addiction and we, as part of the couple, are responsible to be mindful and react accordingly. If you acknowledge the presence of addiction, do not blame yourself, seek help immediately and challenge her/him. But more importantly, love him/her even more! Probably, he/she experiences shame, guilt, and remorse. In a later chapter I will address the issue of recovery: from pastoral and professional perspective.
=ORTHODOX PERSPECTIVE ON RECOVERY=
In chapter 27 of the book of Proverbs, we read: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. ” As Christians, we are called to see the people struggling with various addictions as sick and suffering fellow men and it is our responsibility to be that iron, which sharpens the iron. Especially if the one struggling is our spouse, we cannot turn away and abandon him or her. We are called to hate the sin, but love the sinner. The recovery process is very long and arduous, but with the appropriate tools, it is possible.
==Hitting the Rock Buttom==
==The Call to Genuine Repentance==
The notion of repentance is often misused and in order to understand its true meaning, one needs the guidance of a spiritual father. In our Orthodox faith, unlike Western understanding, repentance does not have a legalistic perspective. It is, indeed, “an act of reconciliation, of reintegration into the Body of Christ, which has been torn asunder by sin,” [www.goarch.org/en/ourfaith/articles/article8493.asp] but it is so much more. Repentance should also not be limited to remorse about an evil deed, nor to feeling sorry about hurting somebody. This is the beginning of a long process; repentance is not an instance, but a process. “The Greek term for repentance, μετανοια, denotes a change of mind, a reorientation, a fundamental transformation of outlook, of man's vision of the world and of himself, and a new way of loving others and God. ” Saint [[John Chrysostom]] says: “it is necessary to repent, not merely for one or two days, but throughout one's whole life .”
(De Compunctione I, i PG 4,7:395 and I, ix :408)
With these in mind, how can an addict benefit from true repentance? As in other addiction interventions, the pastor could experience a certain degree of resistance from the addict. This is caused by the biological neural structure as a consequence of prolonged exposure to exciting factors and should not discourage the process. The first step is trust in the priest and the spouse can play an important role in building this trusting relationship.
The addict’s worldview is altered by his addiction: women are objectified; notions like intimacy, vulnerability, self-esteem and self-offering are perverted; everything evolves around him. Therefore, the true “metanoia” represents a complete change of the worldview. Addiction is a process and repentance is also a process, a reversed-engineering. If addiction is a movement from life to death, repentance, as a theanthropic act is a Pascha, a Passover from death to life. Therefore, the addict is called to transcend the fallen state and once again taste life. Fr. John continues
:“Metanoia is the gateway to oneself, to one's fellowman, and to heaven. It leads inwards, but it also leads outwards by leading inwards. The world ceases to rotate round the self and begins to gravitate towards the other - the divine and the human other. Sin has the opposite effect.” [www.goarch.org/en/ourfaith/articles/article8493.asp]
This is what exactly is needed in addiction: a change of mind, a change of focus, a gravitating toward the spouse, centered on Christ. This is the true calling to repentance.
Healing is a connected process for both spouses. There is no efficient repentance if the wife is not present. Addiction degraded the Sacrament of Marriage and both members are called to redefine their relationship: Genung said that only after forgiveness, God’s grace can penetrate the wife’s heart and reach the husband. After adultery, marriage will never be the same; the initial innocence is lost forever, but through individual and joined efforts, both of them can reach an authentic state of repentance and regain what was lost.
==Recovery Through Couple Counseling==
===The Service of the Holy Sacrament of Marriage===
